 |
 |
Attention NYC Boat Goers...It's a Different Boat This Year 
Hello. If you are planning on sailing with us this year for the New York Rocks Off cruise next Thursday, July 15, we thought it would be wise of us to make a special note that we are sailing on a different boat from the last three years. This year we are on The Jewel, which sets sail from the East River. You can board at E. 23rd St. and the FDR. Boarding begins at 7 p.m. and we set sail at 8 p.m.Same good times. Same band. Same city. Different boat. Different river. Make a note of it and see you there!
Concerning the Hippie Socialist Prankster in Stevens Point, WI
RONALD REAGAN'S ETERNAL SARCOPHAGUS, HEAVEN, May 27 --The following can be attributed to Electric Six -- Listen you ne'er-do-well hippie communist vermin. You think you're funny? Violating taxpayer dollars to use OUR LYRICS....OUR EIGHT-YEAR OLD LYRICS to make some sort of "statement" about how much fun you are having? I've got a statement for you....GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!! Earlier today, on I-39 near Stevens Point, Wisconsin, a cowardly faceless digital vigilante used precious and valuable Electric Six lyrics as part of a hippie Nazi socialist liberal plot to destroy taxpayer dollars. These DAMN KIDS who HATE AMERICA used THEIR MINDS to HACK INTO a COMPUTER and post our lyrics to AMERICANS have raped us!!!!!!! RAPED USSS!!!!!!!! CCCP!!!!!!! I hope the local authorities use the internet and find out who you are. You will pay! PAY!!!!! We thought we had intellectual property. And now you do this and show us we do not. You fuck. Why????
Dick Valentine American Troubador Solo Acoustic Action is Happening This Summer
BROOKLYN, NY, May 26 -- Dick Valentine is announcing today that he is bringing his American Troubador solo acoustic show to three American cities in one long weekend in July. The mini-tour is as follows:-- Friday, July 23 at Club Cafe in Pittsburgh, PA -- Saturday, July 24 at V Club in Huntington, WV -- Sunday, July 25 at the Backstage bar at the Black Cat in Washington, D.C. The American Troubador show features Dick Valentine underneath the spotlight nervously clutching and manipulating an acoustic guitar. He spends over an hour of your time playing your favorite Electric Six songs as well as random cover songs. The show is loose and informal and often results in Valentine unable to keep it together when he's away from his handlers and controlled environment. He often falls apart and sobs....alone....on stage. You really need to see it. So come on out if you live in or near any of these cities. The true E6 fan needs to see the music of Electric Six broken down to its purest form. Good hot summertime acoustic fun awaits. The drink of choice at an American Troubador show is the white wine spritzer.
Concerning The Massive Exposure We Received on Dancing With the Stars This Week
DUBAI, U.A.E., April 13 -- The following can be attributed to the collective hive mind of Electric Six from the present through the end of your life (which will never end now):Last night, we were alerted by an unprecedented number of friends and relatives that one of our songs was featured on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars". The song was used as a canvas for a kinetic fresco painted by the elegant brushstrokes of a professional dancer and an actual celebrity, moving in concert with one another. Our song was heard last night by 10 trillion Americans. It is streaming live on the ethernet and your iPhone as you breathe.....with intent of reaching some Europeans as well. One of our relatives remarked, "That's the big time. You can't get any bigger than that." She's right. There really are no worlds left to conquer. We now own everything. Within minutes of our song airing on ABC, we bought all the real estate in Dubai. Within an hour, we froze our heads and sent them into space. Due to a freak mishap, our heads were returned to earth 500 years later. We know every winning lottery number for the next five hundred years. We are a hive mind, six-headed lottery-winning hydra...from the future. We have the American Broadcasting Company to thank for this. We are so going to get laid tonight. But to the larger point...the point that we can't get any bigger than this. Electric Six is accustomed to moving. And if we can't move upward anymore, you can bet your ass we're gonna move twice as hard downward. We are going to rule globally and act locally. We are going to re-engage. We are going to represent. In the D. You heard us. We are going to re-represent in the D. Hard. If there's anything we've learned from the last 24 hours, it's that we've spent a good chunk of the last 5 years neglecting our representation of the D. That stops now. We are going to throw our weight around. We declare ourselves the winner of every subsequent April in the D contest. If you are an alternative band from Mt. Clemens or Waterford and you have ambitions of winning next year's April in the D competition....forget about it. We've already won. You see, alternative band from Lake Orion, we understand the Red Wings better than you ever will. So back off. We know about television. We are writing the television theme song for the Bernstein Law Offices. It goes like this: The Bernstein Advantage! The Bernstein Advantage! The devil versus Jesus Christ! The Bernstein Advantage! Hit me with those chains and whips! Hi-ho the dairy-o..it's the Bernstein Advantage!!!!! And this is just the beginning. The Detroit Music Awards probably thought we'd just roll over this year like we always do. They are in for a rude awakening. We are a television force now. We live in the United Arab Emirates. If they thought we'd just send Matt Hatch to go accept the award for us like we always do, they're sorely mistaken. Because our representation, is a digital repression. Is a repression. Of the representation of the D. To summarize, Electric Six is a repression. Of the representation of the D. All of this is because they used our song on Dancing With the Stars last night.
State of the Six Address: Happy Valentine's Day, Bitches!
BROOKLYN, NY, Feb. 14 -- The following can be attributed to Dick Valentine:Hello! Happy Valentine's Day from Dick Valentine! LOL! I love getting to say that every year! Honestly, what could be radder than a Valentine's blessing from Dick Valentine! I'm the fly-ass pimp from the Rubber Rocket video!!!! You know from that video that I know all about love! My hopes for you on this day are twofold. If you are in love, I hope you love your lover lovingly. If you are not in love, then I hope you stay at home and listen to our records!!! LOL!!! We'll be there for you, no doubt about it!!!! LOL!!!!! Speaking of our records, we are in the midst of recording our seventh studio album right now. Say it with me now....ELECTRIC SIX IS MAKING A SEVENTH RECORD.....WOOOOOOOOO!!! I have to say it is turning into a very positive and happy record. I'm really happy about it. A month ago, I had no idea what the record would sound like. It's a huge relief to know now what it sounds like. And for the first time since the second record, it looks like we will have a cover song on a record. It's a song we've talked about doing for a while now and we are finally doing it. It's a wonderful time to be in Electric Six. What else? Well, besides the fact that Tait Nucleus? is looking more and more like Gene Hackman every day, we are about to travel to Canada for the first time in a while. Canada is second only to North Korea in terms of degree of difficulty for bands to enter. Wish us luck! Oh yeah, we didn't do a Frequently Asked Questions this year because every year we do, people we know always think we are passive-agressively making fun of them on our website and they stop talking to us. Let me assure you that we are cowards, evil cowards, and we only make fun of people we've never met. The last thing we want is for the fragile egos of our paranoid friends to be shattered because we weren't ripping on them in the first place. So, that's the update. Everything is moving along splendidly. We are receiving such wonderful emails these days. It's really wonderful. The outreach. Your thoughts. Your musings. The contact. It's what keeps us going.
|
|
Upcoming Shows: Sat 08/14 San Francisco CA Outside Lands Wed 09/15 Grand Rapids MI The Intersection Thu 09/16 Columbus OH The Basement Fri 09/17 Chicago IL Double Door Sat 09/18 Ferndale MI DIY Street Fair Sun 09/19 Toledo OH Frankie's Tue 09/21 Pittsburgh PA Brillobox Wed 09/22 Philadelphia PA Johnny Brenda's Thu 09/23 Cambridge MA Middle East Fri 09/24 Hoboken NJ Maxwell's Sat 09/25 New York NY Bowery Ballroom Mon 09/27 Baltimore MD Sonar Tue 09/28 Washington DC Black Cat Wed 09/29 Carrboro NC Cat's Cradle Thu 09/30 Charlotte NC Milestone Club Fri 10/01 Columbia SC New Brookland Tavern Sat 10/02 E. Atlanta GA The Earl Mon 10/04 Jacksonville FL Jack Rabbit's Tue 10/05 Ft.Lauderdale FL Culture Room Wed 10/06 St. Petersburg FL State Theater Thu 10/07 Orlando FL The Social Sat 10/09 Nashville TN Exit / In Sun 10/10 Memphis TN Hi Tone Cafe Tue 10/12 Norman OK Opolis Wed 10/13 Houston TX Walter's on Washington Thu 10/14 San Antonio TX White Rabbit Fri 10/15 Austin TX Emo's Sat 10/16 Denton TX The Boiler Room Mon 10/18 Tucson AZ Plush Tue 10/19 Phoenix AZ Rhythm Room Wed 10/20 San Diego CA The Casbah Thu 10/21 Costa Mesa CA The Detroit Bar Fri 10/22 Los Angeles CA Key Club Mon 10/25 Seattle WA Neumo's Tue 10/26 Portland OR Dante's Wed 10/27 Boise ID Neurolux Thu 10/28 Salt Lake City UT Urban Lounge Fri 10/29 Denver CO Larimer Lounge Sat 10/30 Kansas City MO Riot Room Sun 10/31 St. Louis MO The Firebird Tue 11/02 Des Moines IA Vaudeville Mews Wed 11/03 Minneapolis MN First Avenue Thu 11/04 Milwaukee WI Turner Hall Fri 11/05 Covington KY The Mad Hatter Sat 11/06 Cleveland OH Grog Shop |
