Johnny Na$hinal Heads to UK to Play Shows with Volebeats

DETROIT, March 6 -- Johnny Na$hinal will beat his E6 mates in the 2004 race to the UK, signing on to play a couple weeks worth of shows with Detroit country legends the Volebeats in late March. Being a country act, the Volebeats do not have a website, so we can't tell you exactly when or where they are playing, but there has been speculation of shows in Brighton, London, Bristol and Cambridge.

This is the Volebeats first tour of the UK and it's going to be super cool. If you see that the Volebeats are playing in your city or your shire, stop on by and check 'em out.



M Attempts to Stabilize Situation in Haiti; Returns to Detroit 72 Hours Later

DETROIT / PORT-AU-PRINCE, Feb. 27 -- In one of the most tension-filled weekends in Electrik Six history, M quickly rushed off to Haiti upon learning of the civil unrest and exile of President Aristide. "I've got to do something," he said, furiously shoving clothes and toiletries into a duffel bag. "I've got to go to Port-Au-Prince."

His bandmates pleaded with him to reconsider his decision, stating the need to continue recording. "Use the drum machine," M yelled climbing into the cab which would take him to Detroit Metro Airport. "Use the Yamaha X-1400. She'll provide you as steady a beat as any man could. Now, if you'll bid me my leave, I'm off.....to Port-Au-Prince!"

A tense weekend ensued, but as unexpectedly as he left, M returned a mere 72 hours later, emerging from the cab in a disheveled, disoriented state. One observer liked him to "Jeff Goldblum three-quarters of the way through the film 'The Fly'". He has revealed very little of his activities in Haiti, nor if he accomplished anything he set out to do.

The only person to have spoken with him since his return is Tait Nucleus. "He didn't really say much," reports Nucleus. "He would just mumble stuff about 'the evil in the hearts of men'. He must have got up to go to the bathroom like 5 times too."

"But he says he's ready to get back into the studio, which is cool." added Nucleus.



State of the Six Address

DETROIT, Jan. 16 -- The following statement can be attributed to Dick Valentine:

Citizens of this computer, welcome! And thank you for visiting our website. A website that admittedly has been very poorly maintained due to CHRONIC FATIGUE and EPSTEIN-BARR. Also, some CARPAL TUNNEL.

But we refuse to be deterred. Updates must happen. And I am here to tell you that I have seen the Six and the state of the Six is... FAIRLY OKAY.

We are off the road and out of the air for the first time in a year and we pledged unto ourselves a two-week respite from all things Six. And in that time, good things have happened. The Colonel bought a water filter and Johnny Na$hinal looked up the guy from high school who pushed his head into the toilet and flushed at will and flushed often. He paid a visit to his tormentor at his house in Clawson and showed him the Artist of the Year cover of Real Detroit and said, "Flush this, asslicker!" Tait Nucleus grew a beard.

As for me, I have joined an indoor soccer team and I play on Mondays and Wednesdays. Our bodies are thick and flabby from the holidays and our skills inferior, but we give it our all and we never lay down, not for one second. See, I learned a thing or two about achieving one's goals and personal accomplishment from role models like President Jimmy Carter and the Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. Plus our goalkeeper looks like Sting, so that's kind of fun too.

I've also visited recently with our bass player from this summer, Frank Lloyd Bonaventure. He looks like a million dollars.

But the respite is now over and we must return to the business of show business. We are announcing the cessation of live shows until we have a suitable recording completed or at least close to completion. Tentatively, it looks as though we might be back playing shows by April or May. We plan to utilize the website more frequently now that we're home and give a few updates from the studio. You may soon be able to link to some pictures that will take you down E6 memory lane.

In closing I'd like to say, "Give him the stick! Don't give him the stick!"

Thank you, Happy Year of the Monkey, and may God continue to bless this dirty business.
                                        - DV



Detroit Tops List of Fattest U.S. Cities

HOUSTON (AP), Jan. 2 -- (read story)



Year of Touring Comes to End for Band

MOSCOW, Dec. 20 -- Here in Russia, Electric Sikhs wrapped up an entire year's worth of touring by playing to their smallest, yet most rabid crowd of the year -- a Christmas party of 100 or so young upwardly mobile lawyers. The band played every song they knew how to play, one they did not know how to play, and a couple songs were played twice. The host of the party got on the mic and demanded "some Joy Division". The band could not meet his request and feels collectively horrible.

Champagne and caviar flowed freely on this sexy sexy Russian night, but to the boys, it was just show number 188 out of 189 for the calendar year 2003. This recent stint saw the band playing in Japan, Spain, UK, Ireland and the aforementioned Russian Federation. Add to that list the other places we've been this year - Norway, Belgium, France, Holland, Sweden, Germany, Denmark, Mexico and Oklahoma -- and you see a very fortunate group of people. Thanks are in order to anyone and everyone who was ever involved with this band in any capacity.

As a final salvo before a much-needed break, the band will be playing New Year's Eve at the Double Door in Chicago with venerable alt-rock outfit Local H.



Band Tours US in Van: Another Month of Their Lives Over

27 of the 50 US STATES, Nov. 8 -- Implementing a Siegfried and Roy-esque work ethic, Electric Sicks performed 6 shows a week for an entire month, traversing mid-America and parts east. The tour was supported by Danish party machine Junior Senior, whom without, the shows would not have been the same. Many thanks to all dem, especially Mads for helping with sound along the way. New cities for E6 included Kansas City, Houston, Charlotte, Baltimore and Hoboken.

Now we need someone to clean out the van. We offer a competitive salary and comprehensive benefit packages. Applicants should be unafraid to possibly die. Ability to work with discarded Mountain Dew bottles a plus.



The Summer Goes Smoothly for Electric Sax

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, UNITED KINGDOM, FRANCE, SPAIN, BELGIUM, THE NETHERLANDS, NORWAY, DENMARK, GERMANY, JAPAN, Summer 2003 -- The summer goes smoothly for Electric Sax. Fun is had. Thanks go out to those who helped the summer go smooth and allow the Sax to have the aforementioned fun. Frank Lloyd Bonaventure, Troy Gregory, Laura Gregory, Eugene Strobel, Steve Coombes, Ed Richardson, Murray Mitchell, Andy Liddle, The Mole, Har Mar Superstar.



Gay Bar Wins Video of the Year at the Q Magazine Awards

LONDON, Oct. 2 -- Again, with the awards... sheesh! Electric Sex was honoured to be on hand to accept the Q Magazine Award for Video of the Year. The award was presented by Emma Bunton. Valentine's acceptance speech paid a debt of gratitude to the directorial team of Kuntz and Maguire, and also to the readers and writers of Q.

Complimentary beverages were served as well as free sushi. Dick Valentine kept eating everybody's salmon, including that of Simon Le Bon as the Double Ds were at the podium accepting the lifetime achievement award. What? He's got enough fuckin' money... he can buy his own goddamn salmon. Nobody feels sorry for Simon Le Bon in this situation.

Johnny Na$hinal walked back to the hotel via Hyde Park at 4:30 in the morning by himself. What a guy!



"Illusionist" Goes Up in a Plastic Cube for 44 Days and 44 Nights, E6 There to See It

LONDON, Sept. 5, 2003 -- David Blaine placed himself in a self-contained clear box and was hoisted by a magnificent crane above the banks of the River Thames today with the intention of remaining up there for 44 days and 44 nights. M., John R. Dequindre, The Colonel and Dick Valentine were on hand to witness the whole spectacle, albeit due to the fact that they were having dinner at a nearby pizzeria.

While munching on his bruschetta, M. waxed philosophic about the intentions of Mr. Blaine. "I figure if he stays up there for the whole time, he'll come down and have his pick of like a million women. That's why he's doing it. I figure, using the same logic, I go up there for like 3 days, I get my pick of like five thousand women. That's good enough for me."

M. has contacted a team of financiers and negotiators to assist him in making this 3-day mating call a reality next summer... most likely somewhere in Asia.



Gay Bar Wins Video of the Year at Kerrang! Magazine Awards

LONDON, Aug. 21 -- Tonight, Dick Valentine and M. arrived at the Kerrang! Awards in matching white tuxedos and when the smoke had cleared (literally from the Darkness performance), the duo left with the Video of the Year Award for Gay Bar, directed by Tom Kuntz and Mike Maguire.

The award, a clear slab with a yellow K on it (good thing they didn't win two more, eh?), was presented by The League of Gentleman. "I'd like to thank God and my record label," said Valentine trying to keep it real.

On the ride home, Dick Valentine and M. heard "One of Us" by Joan Osborne and simultaneously realized how little the award actually means in the grand scheme of things.