State of the Six Address: Out of the Fire and into the Frying Pan

DETROIT, Aug 13 -- The following statement can be attributed to Dick Valentine:

'Sup fools. Getting my update on. I'll start by saying that I was walking down the street today and a PIGEON flew right into me. I felt a little bit like Fabio on that roller coaster a few years ago, except of course... I'm not Fabio. It just goes to show you, the old saying is true... "pigeons are hard to avoid if they decide they want to fly into you and they spread disease and contagion to anyone who touches them." Remember that, and you'll do just fine...

Now, to band business... we have just concluded one of the most adventurous, exciting and logistically tricky runs of touring we've ever embarked upon. In a one month period, we played in New York, London, Sydney and... Ibiza. There may be some pictures documenting the bullshit.

Along the way, there were a couple cancelled shows and we'd definitely first like to apologize for that. The Tastefest show in Detroit was cancelled at the eleventh hour due to a family medical situation, which I'm sure you all can understand. However, a scheduling snafu led us to pull out of the show in Cleveland at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and we dropped the ball by leaving the date on our website long after we realized we couldn't play the show. We'd like to apologize to anyone who was confused by this... we should have been on top of it, but we have a tendency to neglect the website when we are on the road and that's the best answer as to why that happened. So once again, our apologies to the 216. We love Cleveland. It's where Howard the Duck took place.

We'd like to thank Reuben Wu of Ladytron for filling in for Tait Nucleus? on our July dates in the UK after Mr. Nucleus? was bitten on the forehead by a deer while sitting in his office. Reuben... you're a star, baby!

Anyway, despite some pitfalls, we had perhaps the greatest month of touring yet and it was a great way to go out from the business of touring for the Fire record. We now turn our attention completely focused on getting the new record done and with a few exceptions here and there, we are staying off the stage until it's done. We realize we've said that before. But this time, we are fairly certain we mean it.

Finally, to the business of Frank Lloyd Bonaventure on the television game show. We've gotten a lot of emails asking how much money he won. Well, we are proud to tell you, he won $16,000. But the real reward, as Frank will tell you himself, is not the money, but the national television exposure. There's nothing like being on television. Nothing at all.

Thank you for your continued interest in our affairs.



Rock the Xfm Vote

LONDON, July 8 -- Our friends at Xfm tell us that "Xfm's annual X list mega-poll is back, where you tell us what is your favourite music of all time. Last year, Electric Six's 'Gay Bar' made it to the number 37 spot. The most popular 104 songs from this year's poll will make up our shortlist which will be played out in full on August Bank Holiday. Vote now for the chance to win 104 Xfm gig tickets and help Electric Six beat their number 37 spot."

For more details, click here!!

You heard 'em - stick it to the man...

Statement Regarding Tastefest Appearance (or lack thereof)

DETROIT, July 3 -- The Electric Six were scheduled to play in Detroit at the Comerica Tastefest last night, Friday, July 2. However, a medical emergency involving a parent of one of the band members occurred earler in the day and that band member felt that the situation was serious enough that his presence was required at the hospital.

We regret any inconvenience caused to anyone who came down to Tastefest specifically to see Electric Six and would like to thank the promoters of the event for being very understanding to our situation.



Electric Syxx Alumnus Frank Lloyd Bonaventure to Appear on Syndicated Game Show

TELEVISION, June 11 -- Frank Lloyd Bonaventure, the gifted and talented bass player for Electric Six on two separate occasions -- most recently from June 2003 to August 2003 -- will be appearing as a contestant on the US version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? airing on July 5, 2004. Broadcast times vary depending on the local station and are listed on the show's official site.

Bonaventure, who has since adopted the name Mark Dundon as a tribute to the former US president of the same name, left the band to prepare full time for his appearance on the show, adopting a hardcore regimen of hot yoga and flash cards, taking only one weekend a month off to go water-skiing and get shitfaced at his place up north.

The current E6 lineup wishes him the very best of luck and can't wait to see this shit. It's gonna be hilarious.



Funny Joke

DETROIT, May 24 -- Memorial Day is upon us and we here at E6 thought you might like a funny joke to share with friends and family over the barbecue.

Q: What do you get when you cross Judy Blume with Norwegian black metal act Mayhem?

A: Are You There God? It's Me, Necrobutcher.




State of the Six Address -- Coachella and Beyond: How Electric Six Forges a Role in the Century of Evil

DETROIT, May 10 -- The following can be attributed to Dick Valentine:

Hello. We, the Six, are returned home from a tour of the United States designed to get us to the Coachella festival and back. We toured with a band from Atlanta known as The Hiss. They are exceptional people, a great band and they were an absolute pleasure to be on the road with. And their frontman looks like Steve Perry. I share a birthday with Steve Perry.

The Hiss had a fella traveling with them by the name of Enzo. Enzo doesn't need a shirt. He just doesn't. Enzo made this tour EASIER and COOLER..... for all of us.

Highlights from the tour included the following:

-- Tait Nucleus attempting to abduct a young couple in Portland

-- Meeting Fred Schneider at Coachella, trying to get him to join us for a glass of wine, and the subsequent rejection

-- JR Dequindre renting his own car and going to Vegas, thus allowing the rest of us our own bench for three days

-- Raw Booty, Lawrence, KS

-- The earthquake epic on NBC "10.5".

So there you have it. Coachella was a blast, as were all the club dates we played around it.

But is just having a blast enough? How does our blast fit in to the big picture? You might be saying, "Where's my blast? I didn't have a blast." And what of our children.... and our children's children? What kind of world will they be inheriting as the result of our blast? And when is your goddamn new record coming out? We'll try to answer these questions in time...... but right now...... I'm getting word that there is breaking news..... yes, let's go now to this breaking story..... we have a breaking story now that has just taken place in the last ten minutes...... here he is..... we're showing you him to you now...... we are bringing him to you first.....